First Dark  

1. The Going.

It was a dark, drizzly evening in a small street just outside of the New Forest. A large, elegant house stood midway along the street in the suburbs, the bricked front pebble-dashed, the window frames painted black. The outside light suddenly flickered into life, illuminating the well-trodden set of steps which lead down from a heavy wooden door. From here emerged a young girl named Charlotte Greene, perhaps 17 years in age, her long red hair swept away from her face. A somewhat pained expression flashed in her hazel eyes as she stepped out into the cold night air, putting up an umbrella to shield herself from the now heavy rain. Seconds later, a boy, Ethan Rylance followed her footsteps, his multi-toned brown hair swishing as he darted under the umbrella. Normally he would've happily walked in the rain, enjoying the slight sting as the ice-cold droplets hit his skin, but he knew that Charlotte hated it when he got his hair wet so he stayed dry for her sake.

*

I jolted back to reality as a cliché sort of thought jumped up in my head: the strangest things happen when you least expect them to.  I was stood here, under a large black umbrella in the pouring night-time rain, outside of my house with my boyfriend of two years, Ethan.

"So, you're leaving?" I repeated the short phrase to myself again, not quite understanding why it hadn't sunk in yet. I suppose I'd been in denial for these past few weeks.....

His long slender hands reached up to cup my face and I felt a sudden spasm of longing, wishing that this wasn't real.

"It's only for a couple of months. I'll come back for you, I promise." Only a couple of MONTHS? His soft honeysuckle words floated on the chilly breeze, ruffling his silky, poker-straight brown hair. I tried to pull my collar up one-handedly to keep out the unwanted draft.

"Stupid..." I cursed, fumbling with the material with my gloved hand.

"Come here, Char." He spoke softly as he did it for me. A lump began to form in my throat as I realised our time was nearly up. My sadness peaked as I felt big, wet tears spill from my eyes, a sob threatening to break free as my body shook. He pulled me into a tight hug, my flame-red hair nestled comfortably under his chin.

"Take me with you." I half-whispered, nuzzling my face into his Parka shoulder, tears in full flow.

"Oh Charlotte! You know I can't!" I could hear his tone becoming a bit exasperated...he only ever used my full name when he got annoyed.

I just couldn't stop myself. "Why not?" He dropped his arms from the embrace, his right shoulder all wet. Oh no... I mentally began preparing to beat myself up later. He gave me a tired-out look.

"C'mon Char, we've been over this a million times. Your parents don't think going to New Zealand would be..." He paused, taking on the persona of my father and doing a perfect impression, "...beneficial to your first year of 6th form education." His face softened as he flashed me a crooked, sad sort of smile that only made me want to cry harder. I furiously wiped away the fresh tears.

Ethan kissed my forehead protectively as I looked up at him. "And we wouldn't want a brilliant student like you becoming a 'high school drop-out' now would we?"

"But Ethan, I don't care about school if I can't be with you!" I choked out, my voice thick with sadness. He said nothing as he drew me into a final hug, drops of moisture falling like shards of moonlight onto my hair. I peered upwards, going on tip-toes to reach up and gently give him one last kiss. Our lips touched, briefly, softly, sweetly as tears mingled on our cheeks.

"Goodbye Char, I'll call, and write. I love you. More than the world." He took my hand as we walked over to his blue Jeep.

" 'Bye Ethan. I love you too. More than the universe." I whispered, attempting a smile at our private joke as he got into his car and wound down the window. I peered into his beautiful, bottomless green eyes as he touched my face one final time, and he was gone, taking everything I held dear with him. Take care of it, I thought as I felt a numbness seeping though me. Tomorrow it'll be half the way around the world without me.


I decided there and then I didn't particularly want to go back inside: it was only 6 PM so I set off down the street, not noticing where I was going. My head was blank. I was still in a state of semi-denial, even though I'd just said goodbye to him I could not comprehend that I wouldn't see him for 2 months. And that was a minimum: I remember him telling me about the last time he went...It was the beginning of year 8 (at that point, we weren't even friends!) and his parents had planned to take Ethan for a 3 month trip to Australia to see the wildlife and gain a cultural experience. Almost 6 months later they came back, the delay caused by the fact his Father, a marine biologist and general animal fanatic, discovered a new and beautiful type of fish. Naturally, that created a huge amount of attention, so much so that they decided to remain in the Outback for another couple of months. Of course, that hadn't bothered me before, but 2 months was already ridiculously long as it was, I didn't want it to become any more. The 3 weeks we had to spend apart in the summer were unbearably long, the longest we'd ever been apart. Hopefully they'd forgotten their scuba diving kits this year...

My thoughts snapped out of blankness as my left foot connected with a large puddle, soaking straight through my furry boots.

"Oh shoot." I mumbled, hopping about on one foot for a few seconds. I tested it out on the ground, finding that only a little water inside my shoe which created a springy sort of feel to the ground. Sighing heavily, I gave up on my walk: with a soggy shoe distracting me I couldn't lose myself in the blankness my mind provided. I turned around and began heading home, surprised that actually I hadn't managed to walk that far: I'd made it to the end of my road, a walk that took only 5 minutes, in half an hour.

*

Instead of going straight inside, I stopped outside of my front door, not yet prepared to go inside. I must've stood there for about ten minutes, my inner numbness being transformed into coldness by the February wind. The weight of the umbrella in my hand snapped me out of it. Shivering now, I forced myself to put on a brave face as I fished out my keys from my pocket. Taking in a deep breath, I twisted the key in the lock, a warm, homey sort of smell hitting me as I stepped inside, deflating the umbrella. Mom was standing in the hallway waiting for me.

"Charlotte?" Her questioning tone was riddled with worry. "We heard the car leave ages ago, why didn't you come inside?" I felt my brave face begin to slip, but I looked up at her, determined not to give any of my emotions away.

"Um. I just decided to go for a walk, you know, to see if the river was frozen." That was one of the advantages of living so near the New Forest, so many little streams passed right near to our house, a brilliant source of fun in the summer, a lifesaver in the winter. I handed the umbrella over to my Mom, a sort of proof that I wouldn't be venturing out again. I was pulling off my sodden boots as she spoke again.

"Dinner'll be ready soon." I kept my head bent over my shoes, imagining the meaningful look she was giving me. Libby, my little sister, had just passed her primary school tests with flying colours and was now perfectly eligible to come to my secondary school. Personally, I wasn't so thrilled as it was the on time during the week I was away from her completely, not that I had anything against annoying younger siblings...

My mouth muttered an answer for me " 'K."  Seemingly satisfied, Mom went back into the kitchen. The second the door closed, I zombie-walked my way over the stairs, my brave façade evaporated. I felt exhausted, but as I heard the kitchen door begin to re-open I raced upstairs before Mom or anyone else got another chance to talk to me. Truth was, I just wanted to be left alone to sort my head out.

"Char..." was all I heard as I shut my door. A pinprick of emotional relief glinted in the blankness as I realised I was finally alone. I flopped out on my bed, fresh tears clouding up my eyes. I was about to settle when I found I apparently wasn't alone as my quilt quivered into life.

I sat back up. "Pixie! C'mon get out of my bed!" I said half-heartedly as a small lump in the bed began moving about. Moments later a miniature bundle of black-and-tan dauschhound was jumping around on my bed, her fluffy tail wagging as she yapped excitedly. Well, at least someone was happy to see me. Evidently, not that happy as Pixie registered that I was crying and abruptly stopped still.  I'd always thought dogs were intelligent creatures, and I even believed that they had a sort of 6th sense and the ability to see ghosts: I once caught Pixie, ears alert, staring intently at the completely empty garden. As I approached, she was barking furiously at the nothingness, as though there was an invisible intruder standing in front of her. But now, she seemed intuitive: Pixie's coal black eyes looked at me inquisitively, silently asking 'what's wrong with you?' Kind of like a comfort blanket, Pixie came and sat on my lap, the heat from her body warming up my chilly legs. Being a dog with an incredibly short attention span, it was about 30 seconds before she became throughly bored with me, and Pixie jumped off of my lap and began nudging the door suggestively with her nose.

"Ok, ok here I come." My voice sent her tail wagging as a small yap escaped her mouth. The second the door was open, Pixie scrabbled out, now in full yapping mode. I could smell the waft of tonight's dinner as it found it's way upstairs: the tangy flavour of spaghetti bolognase hung in the air. Unfortunately, it was one of Libby's personal favourites and one of my pet hates, so she always chose to have it when it was up to her.

Closing the door to stop the smell infecting my room, I resolved that actually I didn't feel like eating tonight. Instead, I thought about getting ready for bed and leaving myself to the mercy of my dreams, so I grabbed my pjs and slippers and headed into my bathroom. I think that this was the main reason I loved living in a smaller town: most of the houses were comfortably big, alllowing room for ensuite bathrooms, which I personally found an indispensible luxury.


*

I took my time in the bathroom and it was 20 minutes later before I found myself snuggled under the duvet cover, light out and curtains closed against the cold.  Ahh well, at least things didn't go too badly, I thought, trying to convince myself that everything wasn't so bad before I fell asleep. We could've had a fight or...he could actually be moving out to New Zealand or something like that.... I was distracted by a light seeping in under my door, presumably the creation of whoever was coming up the stairs. I rolled over onto my side and squeezed my eyes tight shut, pretending to be asleep.

"Dinner's..." Mom's voice stopped quickly. I think I'd sufficiently convinced her I was asleep as she snuck back out, gently closing the door. Once again I was left in the black abyss of night with only the conversation floating up from down stairs reminding me I was still half in the real world. Now I was finally alone, I let my mind wander through it's own blankness, conscious thought elapsing into unconscious dreaming...